1. |
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There is something wrong with my songwriting potion
Even though I copied verbatim from Hermione Granger
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
There is something wrong with my songwriting potion
Maybe I used too many frogs
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
Uh-shalala, yeah yeah, baby
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2. |
Harry Potter Is Back
02:19
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He's back
He's back
Harry Potter is back
These are the words I want to hear
Harry Potter is back
Then everybody's going to cheer
Harry Potter is back
I'm tired of reading books about kids in dystopian societies
I'm bored of seeing Kormoran Strike solving murder mysteries
I don't care anymore
All I'm waiting for is for another Harry Potter book to be announced
Harry Potter is back
These are the words I want to hear
Harry Potter is back
Then everybody's going to cheer
Harry Potter is back
I know that J. K. Rowling is already very rich
I know she owes me nothing
I know she's not my bitch
I'm only stating my opinion regarding what she should be writing next
Harry Potter is back
These are the words she needs to write
Harry Potter is back
Then everything will be all right
Harry Potter is back
I know it's not very likely
But I’m not the only one
Wondering what became of Harry
And of Jenny, Hermione and Ron
Harry Potter is back
These are the words I want to hear
Harry Potter is back
Everybody's going to cheer
Harry Potter is back (repeat)
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3. |
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Last year I went to visit the Bielefeld School of Wizardry
Said goodbye to Hogwarts and took a boat to Germany
All the German teachers really took good care of me
They showed me the city that's not there in reality
And on the streets I saw
Small piles in rainbow colors
And when I asked the locals
They said that this is Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße - yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
The Germans taught me potions
The Germans taught me German spells
They explained the rainbow piles and their sweet and pungent smells
The city and its unicorns are banished from reality
Since that magic accident at the Bielefeld School of Wizardry
Still the unicorns produce
Small piles of rainbow colors
And when you step on them
Your foot is stuck in Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße - yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße - yellow, red and blue
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße - green and orange, too
Einhornscheiße
Einhornscheiße
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4. |
Happy Dementor
02:30
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I noticed I was different soon after I was born
I never liked to play with the others in the storm
When I was just a kid my mama said to me
Girl, you smile too much!
Yes, I'm the thing that shouldn't be
And now I'm working as a prison guard
Here in Azkaban and it's breaking my heart
Lalala ladi dadada - I'm the happy dementor
I sing: Lalala ladi dadada
I'm the happy dementor and I love you
The grey coat I am wearing has never been en vogue
But I have had enough
I'll exchange my sullen cloak
For a dress with yellow sparkles and shiny, tiny bands
And I won't give a damn if no one understands
And then I'll spread all the love I feel
With my rainbow charm I'm making it real
Lalala ladi dadada
I'm the happy dementor
I sing: Lalala ladi dadada
I'm the happy dementor and I love you
Lalala ladi dadada - I'm the happy dementor
I sing: Lalala ladi dadada
I'm the happy dementor
Lalala ladi dadada - I'm the happy dementor
I sing: Lalala ladi dadada
I'm the happy dementor and I love you
I love you
I love you
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5. |
Poly-Juice Love Ballad
03:29
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We have been friends for so long
And even though it's nice
Sometimes I want a little more
I was hesitant at first
But deep in me temptation turned to thirst
I will lure him abroad in secrecy
Then I'll take his place, no one will ever know
Just one kiss, just one touch
Just one night will be enough
Poly-juice, tonight you are my friend
We have been married for a year
And even though it's nice
There is something that I miss
She was hesitant at first
But now I see myself at the door
She finally relented
Just one kiss, just one touch
Just one night will be enough
Poly-juice, tonight you are my friend
Switching from the man to the woman
And the other way around
Just to see how it feels, how it sounds
And maybe to learn why she's not satisfied
I guess it's something every wizard and every witch has tried
Just one kiss, just one touch
Just one night will be enough
Poly-juice, tonight you are my friend
Maybe she was afraid to lose me
Maybe she was just as curious as I
Just one kiss, just one touch
Just one night was more than enough
Poly-juice, I'll never drink you again
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6. |
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The books are better than the movies
Except for Alan Rickman
The books are better than the movies
Except for Emma Watson
The only way that the movies could have been better would have been if they had cast Helen Hunt
The books are better than the movies
Except for Gary Oldman
The books are better than the movies
Except for Emma Watson
The only way that the movies could have been better would have been if they had cast Natalie Portman
The only way that the movies could have been better would have been if they had cast Justin Long
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7. |
Sirius Black Coffee
02:07
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The Order of the Phoenix waited in its hideout
At Number Twelve Grimmauld Place
Dumbledore drank orange juice and Mad-Eye Moody whiskey
Kingsley Shacklebolt drank Chardonnay and Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
They didn't fight the dark lord 24/7
In between, the wizards and witches had a drink
Dumbledore drank orange juice and Remus Lupin tea
Tonks drank organic butterbeer and Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
Sirius Black coffee
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8. |
Ska Charm
01:18
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I was composing a magical wizard symphony
But while I was working on the orchestral harmony
I was hit by a ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
Ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
I had hoped that you'd be impressed by the melody
I had wished it would make you fall in love with me
But I was hit by a ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
Ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
Yes, I was hit by a ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
Ska charm
Hit by a ska charm
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9. |
Surfin' Snape
01:23
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(instrumental)
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10. |
Organic Butterbeer
01:53
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Everybody likes to drink it and if you ask me that's okay
This is just a little reminder to drink in a responsible way
Don't need no artificial colors
Don't need no pesticides
Don't need no evil Monsanto
That's why I only drink
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
Green magic for the win, yeah
So when you fill that tankard
You better understand
There is no magic spell to save the agricultural environment
I want fair trade business
I want to drink all night
I want ecological progress
And that's why I choose to drink
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
Drink it all day, drink it all night, yeah
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
Organic butterbeer
That's the way to a better and sustainable world
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11. |
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I'm running out of patience
I feel my anger rise inside
Out here on this platform
And still there is no train in sight
I'll be late for school
Like all the other fools
Who are stranded right here next to me
Trains will be delayed
My tired eyes are filled with hate
Trains will be delayed
Yes, the Hogwarts Express is running late
The rising ticket prices
Don't benefit the service, no
The money goes to shareholders
That run a fancy business show
All the wizards curse
That things are getting worse
Ever since the line was privatized
Trains will be delayed
My tired eyes are filled with hate
Trains will be delayed
Yes, the Hogwarts Express is running late
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12. |
Raise Your Hand
02:35
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Raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
What he saw made his young heart leap with joy
Puberty began to spread within the wizard boy
So raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
And all was well until the girls began to talk about his best friend
They swooned over Ron's red hair and his smile so cute and fair
Raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
What he saw made his young heart leap with joy
Puberty began to spread within the wizard boy
So raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
And all was well until Professor Trelawney entered the room
And started to take off her clothes, one by one
Raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
Raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
Raise your hand if you think that Harry Potter used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the ladies' locker room
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13. |
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It was supposed to be a simple drummer enchantment
But somehow I got it wrong
It was supposed to make him play a steady beat
All through this song
No annoying breaks
No unintended fills
No accidental tempo changes
Just solid rock
I turned our drummer into a kangaroo
Do I have to put him into a zoo?
It’s not what I had wanted to do
I turned our drummer into a kangaroo
It was supposed to be a simple drummer enchantment
But now we need a cage
It was supposed to make him stop drooling
At least while he's on stage
No annoying breaks
No unintended fills
No accidental stick dropping
Just solid rock
I turned our drummer into a kangaroo
Do I have to put him into a zoo?
It’s not what I had wanted to do
I turned our drummer into a kangaroo
Now he can play the drums no more
He keeps jumping up and down
He's looking for a pet food store
Somewhere in this godforsaken, magic-breaking town
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14. |
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I was on my way to Hogwarts
I had the radio on
The classic rock radio station was playing a 60s song
And before I really knew what was happening to me
The voice from the radio had put a spell on me
Yes, John Fogerty put a spell on me
John Fogerty put a spell on me, yeah
Now I cannot let him down, no matter how I try
I can no longer run around
There's nowhere I can hide
I never thought some old Screamin' Jay Hawkins voodoo magic
Could have consequences this unpleasant and tragic
John Fogerty put a spell on me
John Fogerty put a spell on me, yeah
John Fogerty put a spell on me
Yes, John Fogerty put a spell on me, yeah
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15. |
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Wizards have long hair because they like heavy metal music
You don't find them on the internet because they don't know how to use it
Wizards don't care about Edward Snowden
Because they're busy chasing Voldemort
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
Wizards have long beards because they like ZZ Top
They get their food by magic because in Hogwarts there's no grocery shop
Wizard don't travel to the moon
Because there is no butterbeer
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
Wizards don't like to eat sushi
Because they confuse the chopsticks for wands
Oh, wizards are strange...
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
Oh, wizards are strange
From a muggle's point of view
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16. |
Vanessa the Vegan Witch
02:38
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Vanessa hasn't eaten meat since she was twelve
She really cares about animals and elves
She was delighted when she got her owl
She was so happy to go to Hogwarts
But when she saw the food that appeared in the hall
She didn't like to eat anything at all
Steaks and burgers and chicken beef
Stood there right in front of her
Poor Vanessa - what is she gonna do?
Poor Vanessa gets tofu from the fridge
Poor Vanessa won't eat the Irish stew
Poor Vanessa - the vegan witch
Vanessa doesn't mind that the others think she's strange
She's determined to bring about change
She takes some pictures and she sends
Them to PETA and Greenpeace
Poor Vanessa - what is she gonna do?
Poor Vanessa gets tofu from the fridge
Poor Vanessa won't eat the Irish stew
Poor Vanessa - the vegan witch
She says
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is black magic
Red meat is making her sick
Poor Vanessa - what is she gonna do?
Poor Vanessa gets tofu from the fridge
Poor Vanessa won't eat the Irish stew
Poor Vanessa - the vegan witch
Poor Vanessa - the vegan witch
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17. |
Did You Know
00:34
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Did you know...
Did you know...
Did you know...
Did you know that Expelliarmus also works with musical instruments?
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18. |
Pottörhead
02:07
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When you're on your broom you get up, you get high
Pottörhead, Pottörhead
You want to find out just how far you can fly
Pottörhead, Pottörhead
You want to climb, you want to touch the sky
You'll be a wizard until the day you die
You're a Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
That's the way you like it
You're a Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead for life
You don't judge wizards by the way they look
Pottörhead, Pottörhead
You keep on reading book after book
Pottörhead, Pottörhead
You've read the story a hundred times before
Still, all you want is more, more, more because you're a Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
That's the way you like it
You're a Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead for life
The sorting hat has told me that your house will be...
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
That's the way you like it
You're a Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead
Pottörhead for life
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Pottörhead Stuttgart, Germany
Germany's loudest wizard rock band - sounds like the Ramones and Roxette meet in a library searching for a spell that makes their drummer play a steady beat.
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